I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
