We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
