I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
