i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
