My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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