I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first