I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
drinking out of a sandbucket again
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.