For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
