Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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