I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
