i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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