my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
