I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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