I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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