yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
