While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
