If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
