The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Verdict: uncircumcised.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
