AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
