Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
