my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
