This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
