I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
