A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
