I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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