jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
