HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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