i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
