I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
