So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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