Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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