6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head