some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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