He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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