i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I said "one day" and that day is not today
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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