Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
