And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
