I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
