I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
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I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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