i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
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Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
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Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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