who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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