Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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