It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
