my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
