I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
