Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize