He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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