I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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