Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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