she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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