Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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