I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
