No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
