God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize