How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
