based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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