I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
