It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
