It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
