do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
from now on my penis is your penis
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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