So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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