Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I am spending my child support on dildos
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
