Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
