all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
