I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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