its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
