eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
