Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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