Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
