I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
