There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
