Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
