bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
