They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
