there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
