I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wish I only lived at night.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
