she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
